Are You The Only One?

Disruptions. If you pastor a church, you have a front-row seat to every disruption of the service that happens, from noises to movement. I don't know how you keep your wits or how you manage to continue your messages as though nothing is happening; I really don't. To me, sitting there in the congregation, I can't stand it. I can't focus because of it, and I certainly can't get anything out of what you're saying when my attention is being taken from me despite my best efforts.

This post is for both groups involved in these disruptions. First, it's for the pastors, because they can't really approach this subject for fear of turning away the very people they want to help. In fact, those causing the disruptions may be the ones that need it the most...it's possible anyway...and yet a pastor can't even talk to them individually about it, or at least not easily. They most certainly can't do it to the entire church.

Second, this is most definitely aimed at those of you who cause the disruptions. It'd be easy for me to play nice and say that perhaps you don't realize you're doing it, but I'm not going to do that. Why? Because far too often we make excuses for our actions when we should be taking responsibility for them and I am tired of it. Now let's dig into some examples just from my own church service this morning.

Yes, that's right, these all occurred during church today and I didn't get a thing from the message because of them. Now before you think I'm easily distracted, I am not. I never turn to watch someone walk in or out, nor am I concerned with movement around me because I come to worship; I come to learn and I intend to get that out of my time in church. However, there are times when the disruptions are so grand that I can't see past them.

How about we start with a simple one, shall we? A typical church service these days last an hour, maybe 90 minutes on the long end for most of us. Sure there are some longer, but let's go with the majority. Now, an hour is half the time of most movies, yet unbelievably many people can't seem to make an entire hour of church without getting up to go to the bathroom. How? I mean, one or two, occasionally, I could see, but this is every week. Today, we sat on a different side of the church, which apparently is the "movement" side. I lost track of how many people got up to leave during the message, but it was at least 7 or 8, maybe more, and we only have about 100 people in there to begin with. And of course not only did they get up to leave, but they came back. That's 14 or 16 disruptions just from those people on my side.

The second one today was just as obvious, which was misbehaving children. OK, I have to ask, why in the world are kids that are too young to sit still during the message sitting there when classes are being offered elsewhere for them? Are the parents just that unconcerned with the others around them that they don't care their kids are doing headers off the church pews? No kidding, two of the kids two rows in front of us fell off the pews, head first, because they were messing around. During the message this happened! Incredible.

Third, and unfortunately this involved two people I have known for over seven years from a previous church, is "the cuddling couple". Sitting directly in front of us, the husband of this couple went back and forth from sitting forward and paying attention to what I can only describe as "smothering" his wife, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close (seriously, looked like smothering), whispering, smiling and kissing her. Were we at the movies and I missed it? Better yet, was it Lover's Point? I honestly had serious concerns about where his hands were going to go next. Trust me when I say this guy is someone whose heart I know. He's a very devoted Christian husband and father, very loving and very sincere. But I had to wonder this morning how he could be so completely oblivious to his surroundings, of the propriety of what he was doing.

Last, and this one just blew me away, was the worship leader tuning his guitar at the back of the sanctuary...DURING THE MESSAGE! This is not a large building. As I said, maybe 100 of us in the service and it probably seats 200-225 at the most. He was two rows behind us, TUNING HIS GUITAR! Dude, there are doors to a common area you can go to for this! I couldn't believe it was happening. I advised my wife later that had this been our first Sunday at this church rather than our third, we would most definitely not be returning based on this example. I've never had a service so disrupted that I can recall. I'm 41 and have been in church all my life save about 4 1/2 years of rebellion in my early 20s. That's a lot of Sundays, people.

My question then is to all of you who participate in these disruptive practices in church: ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE?

I mean exactly that. Do you believe you are the only one there in the service and therefore your actions are not disruptive? Are you under the impression you are in a sound bubble whereby nobody else can hear what you or your children are doing? Possibly you think you're sitting in a box so nobody can see you. Maybe that's it. So here are some simple guidelines for you disruptors moving forward:

Bathroom People - Go before the service begins. You don't get up in the middle of a good movie or show; you hold it in. You don't take off on a trip without going first. You can plan for this, so don't use it as an excuse.

Misbehaving Children - This is on you, parents. There is no excuse for either not having your children in a class when it is offered or not assuring your children are being well-behaved if you choose to keep them in the service. This isn't a park; this isn't the zoo. It's church! Do they act this way in class at school? If they do, I would bet the principal's office is a familiar place for them. Is it fair to your pastor to let them be a problem? How disrespectful is that? And don't give me a story about how they are kids and just won't behave. That's a load and you know it. It's your job as parents to discipline and raise your children, not their job to raise themselves. Do it and don't make excuses.

Snuggling Couples - I can't believe I even have to say something about this, but if you don't know you're in church, perhaps I can't help you. I get that you love each other. That's great! But keep the public displays of affection outside the church sanctuary. Again, can't believe I had to just say that out loud. You may think, "Oh, I'm just rubbing his/her neck or stroking their hair", but those behind you are thinking just how uncomfortable this is making them. And, depending on how else you choose to act, say in the case of my kissy, kissy, smiley, whispering couple this morning, it may very well be completely inappropriate for the venue. Get a clue and knock it off.

Guitar Tuner Dude - You, a minister, of all people, should know better than this. I've never, ever, ever run across something so blatantly clueless from a staff member before. I was literally shocked when I heard the guitar being tuned. My first thought was, "Is this really happening?" That was before I moved on to, "Why is he doing this in the sanctuary?!" Un-freakin'-believable. I was dumbfounded; still am.

Look, the gist of all of this is that you need to be cognizant of where you are and that should dictate how you act, and that goes not only for church but school, the movies, a play, etc. The first question to ask yourself may very well be, "Am I in public?" I say that because, well, apparently a lot of you don't recognize that you are.

Just remember, you're not the only one there.